Falling Alone
by extraordinarygigglesalways
Summary: What would happen if Johanna Beckett hadn't died on that fateful day in 1999, but went into hiding with the FBI? The FBI faked her death and she couldn't come back or have any contact with her family until the case was solved. The case is now over. How will her family react? Will this affect the Caskett wedding? Who is buried underground while Johanna still lives?
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Sorry guys, second time's the charm? Thanks for everyone who let me know there was a problem with the last upload._

 _Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them. Just using them to play out my hair-brain schemes._

* * *

Chapter 1:

Sophia Randall was used to being alone by now. She had been for fifteen years. So when she found out that her friends had a party going on, she wasn't looking forward to it. But, her best friend Brianna was hosting this party and it was Brianna's birthday so she got dressed up in a simple black sequined dress that went down to the floor with simple black ballerina flats. She wore little make up anymore, there was no one she felt the need to impress. Today was a special occasion, so a little foundation and that's it. She had her long brunette hair tied up in a bun on the side of her head with a black clip that her friend, Jeremy, gave her. Her look was complete with a black clutch.

Sophie lived in the suburbs of Portland, Maine in a simple two story cottage with one bedroom, one bathroom, and an office. She worked at her own law firm, guiding new lawyers through the ropes of the legal system. She wasn't well known, she liked to work behind the scenes. She didn't need the spotlight. Her friends were only the people she worked with and she never really went out with them after work. She has gone to dinner or to a bar with Brianna and Tom and Jeremy, but only on special occasions, such as today.

Brianna was her best friend essentially. She was someone Sophie could confide in about anything. But, she was a private person, especially about her past. She had to be. No one could know about the people she left behind fifteen years ago. There were a few slip ups. Like one day at lunch, she mentioned that she would never be able to go to her daughter's college graduation. Brianna had tried to get more information out of her, but she refused to divulge anymore.

Jeremy was different. He was a friend to her, but Sophie knew he wanted more than just a platonic relationship. He had asked her out many times, but she made it clear that they could just be friends. Even though she had been in Maine for fifteen years, she just couldn't do that to her husband. Brianna, Jeremy, and Tom had all noticed that she would rub her ring finger whenever she got nervous or scared. They just thought some accident had happened to her husband and her daughter and they had both died. She didn't have the heart to correct them. What would she say? Nothing about her real past could be revealed. There was too much at stake.

Tom was someone who she wished she had been able to get to know back home. He was fun and upbeat, but she could never appreciate that as much as she should have being in her situation. It also helped he pitched for the other team so he wasn't attracted to her. But he was a better friend than she deserved.

One of the local prosecutor's that her firm regularly faced, Helen, had once looked into her background to dig up dirt to see if she could get an advantage on a case. Helen had gotten too close to the truth.

* * *

" _Your honor, how can the jury trust a word Ms. Randall says when she's lying about her name, probably her whole identity," Helen said, almost snarling. She did rather look like a rabid dog when she cross-examined witnesses… and not in a flattering way, all clenched jaw, and grinding teeth, and a facial tick in her cheek. It made her look unprofessional to put it VERY mildly._

" _Your honor I HIGHLY object to this… this hogwash that the prosecutors are trying to pull in this courtroom today—YOUR courtroom your honor, they are making a mockery of the judicial system right in front of your eyes. They are disrespecting the judicial system, this courtroom, and you today, your honor. Since when does the counsel's background ever need to come into question," Tom countered, highly exasperated._

" _Alright, alright, while I very much agree with the defense on this, I have a feeling if we don't clear this up now, it'll get brought up later on and cause more of a raucous so, Ms. Randall, would you care to give us any information you might have as to why opposing counsel thinks you are lying about your identity? I'm sure you know, you can choose not to answer, I have no reason to compel you to answer, but I wouldn't put it past the prosecution at this point, to call you to the witness stand, in which case I will have to compel you to answer the question," the judge said, looking just as exasperated as everyone in the courtroom, except Helen of course._

 _It was in this moment that Sophie thanked her lucky stars that she was practiced and had a poker face that could compete with the best of them. She slowly should stood from Second Chair, slowly buttoning her blazer and smoothing it down, buying herself time that she really didn't have. Oh boy, did she wish she had just stayed back at the office for this case like she did most of the time._

 _Clearing her throat, buying herself one last second, she answered, "Your honor, I am a very private women. I am also a very busy woman. I don't go on the internet that much, I live a simple life. So the fact that the prosecution was not able to dig up much on me is probably because of that. However, they are correct in suggesting I was not born Sophia Randall. My husband and daughter died in an accident and I moved to Maine and changed my name to try and leave all that tragedy behind me. None of which is illegal or deplorable in the least. The fact that I have to stand here and explain myself to you today, your honor, is just proof that the prosecution is standing on very thin ice with their barely circumstantial evidence, with no concrete fact to back it up. This whole trial they have been spewing false accusations at my client, and now, because it hasn't worked, they have moved on to me. If that doesn't work, it wouldn't surprise me if they targeted you, your honor. The fact that the prosecution is stooping so low is just one of the reason's I am immediately calling for this case to be thrown out due to lack of evidence and underhanded ploys by the prosecution."_

" _Your honor—," Helen began to argue._

" _I almost have the right mind to agree with the defense on this… Almost. What you made Ms. Randall confess in front of everyone here today was downright cruel and you should be ashamed of yourself. It is absolutely inadmissible in court and if there is any implication whatsoever in any remaining testimony about a lack of credibility in the defense counsel I will have you disbarred, do you hear me Mrs. Davis? I have a mind to hold you in contempt of court. I want no more of this in my courtroom, in any courtroom. Understood?" the judge said, interrupting her._

* * *

Helen at least had the decency to look chastised and even made an effort to apologize to her when they were done that day, though calling it a full apology would be a misnomer. However, after that day, nothing more was said on the subject. And Sophia called it a win. She wasn't under oath, so it wasn't like she was committing perjury. And it wasn't even a lie in the most basic definition. She lost her husband and daughter and changed her name and moved to Maine, but not in the way she implied in the courtroom… or to her friends… or to anyone who might have inquired.

When Sophie had been contacted by the FBI and told that there was a hit put out on her, she said she would go into hiding. She had no idea that they would make her family believe that she was dead. Or that she might never be able to see them again. She missed them more than anything. She so desperately wanted to see her husband and her daughter again, but she knew it wasn't safe. The FBI had said they would contact her when it was safe to go back. After fifteen years, there was only a sliver of hope left that she would ever see her family again, but that sliver never left. And the knowledge that her husband and daughter were alive and healthy somewhere settled just a little bit of the unease in her heart.

The FBI had instructed her not to watch the news, look at any newspapers or magazines. Sophie had never been one for gossip so, not looking at those was easy. Not getting on the internet, however was harder. She was to have no contact, no pictures, and no evidence at all of her old life. The only real precious possessions she had were one picture of her, her husband, and her daughter from her daughter's high school graduation which she snuck with her without the FBI's knowledge, as well as her books. She wasn't able to keep the books she had before, but she was able to buy them all back and acquire some new ones too. She always was a book worm, but she had even more time in her new life to which she could devote to reading… mostly because she chose to close herself off from everyone and everything but books. Her favorite author was Richard Castle. Before she left her old life she had all of his books and he had signed every one. He never came near Maine for a book signing, so none of the books she had acquired had been signed, but it was still something that she could look on fondly, which was rather rare in this house, this town, that wasn't home. She especially liked his new book series, _Nikki Heat_. She didn't know exactly why, but the character reminded her of herself when she was that young. She felt a connection to the character somehow.

Sophia had been standing in front of the mirror for almost 30 minutes reflecting on her life. She was very introspective now, most of the time to her detriment, because dwelling on the past just made her ache inside. A knock on the door distracted her from her thoughts. Jeremy was supposed to pick her up and escort her to the party. She checked herself in the mirror one more time and started down the stairs. There was another knock.

"Just a moment, Jeremy," she called.

She went down the stairs and opened the door and found it wasn't Jeremy, but a red-headed women with a man in a black SUV.

"You're not Jeremy," she muttered to herself.

"Hi, Mrs. Beckett. I am Agent Shaw from the FBI," the red-headed women said as she held up her credentials.

Sophia took a deep breath in, "Yes, how may I help you?"

If she wasn't so good at schooling her features, the look on her face would reflect her cautious optimism, instead it remained neutral.

"I'm here to take you home," Agent Shaw said. "You can come back later to collect your things here but right now you have to come with us. We have a one-way ticket on our private jet to New York with your name on it."

Sophie felt her heart stop. It's happening, it's actually happening. No more lies. No more fake names. No more Sophia Randall. That was done. Johanna Beckett was back.

"Is the case solved? Is my family and I safe?" Sophie asked. She had to ask, she couldn't go back if her or her families lives were in danger.

Agent Shaw gave what she hoped was a reassuring smile, "The case is solved and the person responsible is behind bars all thanks to your daughter, I might add."

"Umm, let me, lock up," Sophie said, frazzled for the first time in a long time. This felt like a dream. 15 years without a word from the FBI about her case or her family. She turned around and locked the door. She felt like she should pinch herself to see if this was actually happening. She was walking over to the SUV when Jeremy pulled up in his car.

"Hey, Soph, where are you going?" Jeremy called.

Agent Shaw looked from Sophie to Jeremy. "Are you supposed to be somewhere tonight?" Agent Shaw asked.

"It's my friend's birthday today, we—we were going out for dinner. Jeremy was going to escort me. He'll worry if I don't say something, I—uh," Sophie said, frantic.

She didn't look away from the SUV, her face showing the longing, the worry that anything she didn't do to help, anything she did to mess this up, would take away her ticket to freedom, to home, to her family. She didn't want to see Jeremy right now, let alone talk to him.

"I'll take care of him," Agent Shaw said as she called Jeremy over.

"Hi, Jeremy is it? I'm Agent Shaw from the FBI. We are here to take _'Soph'_ with us. She will not be able to go to dinner tonight. She will, however, be able to come back and explain everything to you soon." Agent Shaw said. She wanted this transition to be as smooth as possible and she knew it was going to be an uphill battle. She was expecting that, what she wasn't expecting was a pestilent friend to interrupt her here. But Jeremy was not relenting.

Jeremy gaped indignantly at Shaw. "The FBI? Why's the FBI taking Sophie? Is she in trouble?"

He didn't like being treated like a bug that this so-called Agent could shoo away. It didn't help that as he tried to look over the Agent's shoulder, Sophie wasn't even paying any attention to him.

Agent Shaw was getting impatient. "She's fine. The matter concerning Sophia is classified and cannot be discussed. My partner, Agent Avery, and I will be taking her. As I said, she will be here to explain everything to you soon. Now we really must be leaving," Shaw said as she turned and escorted Sophia into the SUV. Shaw got into the SUV mumbling something about arrogant and ignorant bastards and left Jeremy gaping at the SUV wondering what the hell was going on.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Short second chapter up as a peace offering for messing up the first upload. I'm not quite sure what my upload schedule will be yet but I'm thinking twice a week? Reviews are always welcome and appreciated. Enjoy!_

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Chapter 2:

As they take their seats on the plane, Johanna sits in her seat by the window anxiously tapping her foot. She can't wait to see her family. Hug her little girl, kiss her husband. She had been waiting for this day for a long time.

Agent Shaw, on the other hand, was tapping her foot for a completely different reason. She wasn't looking forward to this reunion. She knew that Detective Beckett wouldn't take this well. She had no clue what to expect from Mr. Beckett, but if she were in his position, well she wouldn't know what she would do, but this was definitely not going to be pretty.

Agent Shaw turned to Johanna. "Mrs. Beckett—"

" _Please_ , call me Johanna," Johanna said with a smile, trying to sound polite but sounding more desperate instead.

"Johanna," Shaw corrected, "May I just say that while this may seem like a happy occasion, I'm not sure what you expect to happen. Kate is certainly not going to be happy and I don't know what Mr. Beckett is going to do."

"Do you know Katie? Can you tell me what to expect in her life? I haven't been able to see or talk to her since she was 19," Johanna asked.

"I'm not the right person to ask that question. I can give you some basic information. She works for the NYPD as a detective. She and her team are some of the best investigators the NYPD has. You would be proud. Her and her team solved your case by finding a missing tape that recorded a conversation that Senator Bracken had about your specific murder… well not murder, attempted murder," Shaw clarified.

Johanna was stunned. "A detective? Why? I always thought she wanted to become a lawyer? She was studying law at Stanford when I… went away?"

Shaw, of course, knew exactly why Beckett became a Detective. Or, well, she did now that she was acquainted with her mother's case. Before that she had no clue, and she has seen Kate more than Johanna has in the last 15 years. "I'm going to let Beckett tell you that. I just wanted to warn you, I'm not exactly looking forward to this confrontation. Not to mention that tonight is the 3rd annual Johanna Beckett Memorial Fundraiser," the minute she said it Agent Shaw knew they were in trouble. She was going to get asked all these question. She definitely could NOT tell Johanna about the man who sponsored it all.

Johanna couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had a Memorial Fundraiser. And it was the 3rd year. "Wait, what? Where is this coming from? Who set up this Memorial Fundraiser? Do Katie or Jim know about it? And what does it raise money for?" Johanna was blurting out questions so fast Jordan Shaw almost couldn't understand her. She gave up trying not to seem too eager and desperate about five seconds after the conversation started.

Agent Shaw knew that all these questions were perfectly reasonable but she just couldn't answer without Kate's permission. "Johanna, I can't answer all of your questions, but I can tell you that both Kate and Mr. Beckett know about it and that she and another person set up this memorial. The auction raises money for the Johanna Beckett Fund, which gives money to law students every year who campaign for justice. A lot of major people in New York come to this Fundraiser and give money. It's a pretty big deal," Jordan Shaw answered.

"I can't believe this. I have my own fund. Can I just ask –," Johanna couldn't even finish the question.

"Johanna, I'm sorry but Kate isn't exactly a very open person and she wouldn't appreciate me telling you all about her life, even if you are her mother. Now, we're almost there. Once we land in New York we will take you to a safe house where you will get to see Mr. Beckett first then Detective Beckett. I'm not sure who they will want to know about you at first, but I would expect that she will need someone to help her through this, along with Mr. Beckett. We'll figure out the next steps when we get there. However, I want to give you the option now, if you would like, we could just let you see them from a distance and you can go back to your life –," Jordan Shaw was able to finish that thought before Johanna cut in.

"With all due respect Agent Shaw, I am aware of what this arrangement will entail. I wasn't living in Maine, I have no real life to go back to. My heart was always with my family in New York. I know what I'm getting myself into. Of course I'm nervous about Katie and Jim's reactions, but I'm not one to back down from a fight," Johanna said. She was determined to see _and_ talk _and_ hold her family again and _no one_ could keep them from her.

Suddenly, Jordan Shaw was laughing under her breath and shaking her head while Johanna looked at her as if she had two of them she was shaking. "I'm sorry, really," Shaw exclaimed, "You just sounded so much like Detective Beckett. It was uncanny."

Johanna Beckett smiled slightly and stared out the window. _Detective Beckett._ That was so weird to hear.

She had so many thoughts going through her head, so many questions she thought just five minutes ago she would never get answers to.

 _How did Katie and Jim take her 'death?' Was Jim still a lawyer, like he used to be? Was he still friends with their old friends? How did her sister, Theresa, take all of this? Why did Katie become a detective instead of a lawyer, like she planned?_

It's not like she isn't proud of her. Apparently, Katie and her 'team' solved what she couldn't, or well, didn't have time to.

 _Who was this 'team?' Did Katie look the same? Did Jim look the same? Did Jim live in the same house? Did Jim remarry?_

That one gave her pause. She couldn't blame him of course, she had been… away for 15 years. She doesn't know which is better, her husband marrying another woman, or not marrying but living lonely the rest of his life.

 _Did Katie get married? Did she have a boyfriend? Maybe Children?_

Johanna missed so much of her life. She didn't know how she would feel if she missed her wedding day or seeing the birth of her grandchildren.

 _Where did Katie live? Was she well off?... Was she happy?_

The most important question of all. The one she had made herself believe even when she couldn't know for sure herself. The one that she hoped hadn't taken a back seat to the fact that she was just alive and well.

"We're here, Johanna," Shaw said, startling Johanna, who somehow still carried grace in this situation. Jordan could tell Johanna was nervous, but she couldn't do anything to alleviate her thoughts. She felt almost as nervous as her.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Woah, wow, ok so people are reading this and it's kind of throwing me through a loop. I actually started writing fic 5 years ago and haven't had the guts to post anything until now so the fact that I have any views at all is insane to me so thank you to everyone who has read, whether you liked it or not._

 _ANYWAY, I wanted to address a few questions that I got from the first two chapter._

 _1) It's actually been 15 years since Johanna's death at the end of season 6, not twenty years. I guesstimated when I was writing the first three chapters and actually calculated this around chapter 4 and I must've missed it in editing so that's my bad, it should be all changed now._

 _2) I read and love almost every fic of Johanna being alive, I am as obsessed with reading fics like this as I am writing them and I was hesitant to publish this fic seeing as it is just one of many, but I think mine is much different. I would never ever want to take or plagiarize someone else's ideas or writing so if this ever seems too similar definitely let me know, but I am very conscious of it as I am writing as well._

 _3) Yes, this is on the original timeline, I wanted it to be as close as possible to the original timeline to make Johanna being alive as plausible as possible. I have a plan for the tape *insert maniacal laughter here* but everything else up to 6x22 should be exactly the same._

 _Wow, this is very long. Enough of my rambling on, READ ON!_

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Chapter 3:

All three passengers exited the plane and were directed right into another black SUV. Johanna would have commented on the cliché if she didn't have other, more pressing issues on her mind.

Johanna was getting more and more anxious as they drove. The first years she spent in Maine were horrible. She missed her family terribly, but she had hope that the investigation would be over in a year, two years tops. By her fifth year there, she became obsessed, contacting her FBI contacts every week to no avail. By her tenth year, she had numbed herself considerably. When she looked in the mirror each day, she couldn't even recognize herself. She had dark circles under her eyes from many nights with little to no sleep and her skin was all splotchy from many days and nights of crying.

But she knew that her family was safe. The FBI assured her. Safe and healthy and alive, that was their reply every time she called them.

 _Your family is safe, healthy, and alive. The investigation is going as fast as it can, but you're all ok. That's the important thing._

…

 _That's the important thing._

That's what got her through her seclusion, but now she's back. She's facing the people that she left. Her family that she has wanted to see for so many years, but will they see it that way? Will they even want to see her? She had to see them, for her own sanity, but if they didn't want to see her, could she really do anything about it?

The butterflies in Johanna Beckett's stomach got even more prominent as Agent Shaw announced their arrival at the safe house, not that you could tell that she was nervous outwardly, her face stoic and alert.

"We're here," Agent Shaw said as cheerily as she could as they got out of the SUV. When all three of them neared the house, there were two guards at the door. Agent Shaw and Agent Avery both showed their credentials. As they entered the house, Agent Shaw gave Johanna a bag with her belongings that the FBI used to identify her. Johanna stood there startled, her breathing shallow and a tingly sensation in her heart, as if just a small piece of the part of herself that she had numbed by being away from her family, her home, was starting to feel again.

She tried to hold it together as she put on her wedding ring as well as her watch Jim had given her for their last anniversary together, but she felt a tear fall out of the side of her eye regardless. She was quick to brush it away, not wanting to show any outward signs of distress right now, she'd have time to break down later.

Those were the only two things in the bag. She checked the clear bag once, twice, with obviously no luck seeing as the check would render nothing that she couldn't see with her own eyes through the bag.

"Where's my engagement ring?" Johanna asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible, not accusatory. However, if the FBI took 15 years from her, and her engagement ring…

"Your daughter requested it out of evidence, and seeing as it wasn't relevant evidence, they gave it to her.

Johanna was finding the overload of information too much to process, yet at the same time it was never enough, the answers she got to one question, gave her two more questions in return. Shaw cleared her throat as subtly as she could.

"In here," Shaw said as she directed Johanna into the living room off the hallway. Johanna stood in the door of the living room while Agent Shaw and Avery walked into the room. She wasn't really sure what to do next. She knew what she wanted to do though, she wanted answers. She turned toward the two people who were her only resource to get those answers.

"Please come sit, Johanna." Agent Shaw said. Johanna sat on the couch in the far corner staring at the ring on her finger. Remembering how happy she was on her wedding day. She hadn't thought about those days without crying in 15 years, but there were no tears today. She wouldn't allow it, not yet.

Agent Shaw gave Johanna, and herself if she was being honest, a minute to gather her thoughts. "Ok, Johanna, Agent Avery and I will go pick up Mr. Beckett, bring him back here, see his reaction, then come up with a plan for bringing Detective Beckett…. If that is still what you want…"

One look from Johanna told Jordan that it was no use trying again, but she didn't comment on it verbally, she simply replied sarcastically, "Ok, I'll be here."

Taking that as her cue to leave, Agent Shaw motioned for Agent Avery and they started out the door off to pick up another unsuspecting Beckett.

* * *

 _A/N: Really short, I know. Kate and the rest of the gang next chapter._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Detective Katherine Beckett was used to being alone. For a lot of her life, she specifically designed her life to be that way, leaving coworkers and friends behind in search of justice. But since meeting Castle, since putting her mother's murderer away, she's allowed herself to be more open, to let people back into her life. So when she realized that the annual Johanna Beckett Memorial Fundraiser was coming up, she decided to make a day of it and invited her girls over to have a spa day and get ready before the event. Only an hour until the fundraiser starts and the boys are on their way to pick up their dates and she is getting lost in her reflection in the mirror. She is dressed in a navy blue dress that accentuates her curves and has a slit that comes up mid-thigh on the right side. Her hair has the front tied in back with a clip, a gift from Castle, and the rest flows out. The look is finished off with navy stilettos and a blue coin purse. She finished her makeup and has since been stuck in her head.

This year, the event symbolizes a turning point in Kate's life. She's finally put her mother's case to rest, knowing that justice was served. She doesn't feel lost like she thought she might, she knows exactly who she is and what she stands for and now she has an opportunity to live her life with the people she loves.

Both Martha and Alexis have helped her buckle down on the wedding planning immensely. Both her and Castle had somewhat neglected it before, not in a way that said "I'm-getting-cold-feet" more in a way that said "Our-lives-are-so-busy-and-stressful-already-adding-wedding-planning-to-the-mix-is-some-kind-of-torture." But, although she had pushed for a spring wedding before, with all the stuff with her mother's case, Castle and she agreed that making it a fall wedding instead was probably the best option. Changing the venue and everything else last minute had been a PROCESS to say the least, but with Alexis and Martha's help especially, as well as everyone else's, Kate wasn't feeling as stressed about the change as she once was.

Kate had been looking at herself in the mirror for a good 20 minutes when Lanie brought her out of her thoughts.

"Ohh, girl, writer boy is going to drop dead when he sees you," Lanie says as her and the other girls join her in the bedroom at her apartment.

Kate looks down modestly, "Do you really think so?" She asks, stroking her hand to smooth out a non-existent wrinkle.

"Oh please, Kate. You know Dad is going to love it. He always does," Alexis says, as she helps Kate adjust her one shoulder strap.

Kate and Alexis's relationship had reached a sort of turning point as well. Since solving her mother's murder, Kate had taken some time off to spend with her family and her and Alexis had been spending more time together. She wanted to engage with the girl to make sure there were no reservations about her and Castle's relationship and to ask for her help in the wedding planning. It turned out to be a great decision because it brought them both so much closer.

Alexis looks up to Kate, always has, but now she's starting to love her like family. She had reservations that she wholeheartedly regrets now, because ever since her Dad and Kate have started dating, Kate has done nothing but make her more and more sure that she is finally the right one for her Dad. Not only that, but because they have been closer too, she no longer worries about being isolated from her father's new family. She knows she has place with them whenever she wants it.

Alexis' thoughts were interrupted by the knock on the door.

"That shall be the boys," Martha said as she ran to get the door.

Kate checked hers' and Alexis' looks one more time, before nodding to Alexis and they both headed down the stairs to leave.

Castle, Ryan, Esposito, and Jim Beckett stepped through the door in their tuxes waiting for their dates. Lanie and Jenny walked down the stairs first and Ryan and Esposito stared up at their dates at the bottom of the stairs.

"Shut your mouths' boys, you're going to catch flies," Jenny said smugly, as she walked over to Kevin Ryan and Lanie walked over to Javier Esposito.

Martha walks over to Castle, "Your girls look just splendid darling," Martha said.

"You look beautiful, as well mother, now where are they?" Castle asked, giving his mother a hug and a kiss while she smiled, but jokingly fussed with the make up on her cheek that Castle had smudged.

"Here they come," Martha said as they both turned to look at Beckett and Alexis coming down the stairs. His girls looked light, both of them laughing about something Kate whispered in Alexis's ear. It had only been a few weeks since Senator Bracken had been put in jail and Rick could tell Kate was letting loose more. He knew how important it was to finish that mission and now they can have that happily ever after both of them so desperately want.

Alexis walks over and hugs her Dad first.

"Pumpkin, my little girl. You look beautiful."

"Eh, you're just biased. But thanks anyway," Alexis nudged his shoulder playfully as she walked over to her grandmother and Kate followed in behind her.

"Beckett-Kate, you look…"

Kate chuckled when he didn't continue verbally, simply gazing over her hungrily. "Thank you, you do too."

Kate smoothed Rick's collar and looked up at him through her eye lashes and bit her lip. She knew Rick couldn't resist her like that and she loved to tease him.

Castle growled. "Don't start something you're not planning on finishing, Beckett."

"Who said I wasn't planning on finishing?" She paused. "Later, tonight. Somewhere where your mother, my dad, and your daughter aren't watching." Kate continued with a stern look while she rubbed her hands down Rick's stomach.

Rick pouted, a face that Kate would never admit she finds adorable, "You're no fun."

"Come on, I'm going to go say hi to my Dad before we leave, I might not get much one-on-one time with him while I'm at the fundraiser. Then we can go, ok?"

"Of course, are you ready? Do you have your speech all ready?" Castle asked, he refused to call it begging.

"Yes, I have my speech ready and no, you do not get to see it," Kate smirked, walking away while he pouted.

"Hey, Katie, you look beautiful tonight. You ready to present your speech?" Jim Beckett replied, stepping back from their hug and rubbing her arms fondly.

Beckett takes a deep breath and looks down scuffing her shoes slightly, looking like the 13 year old she feels like at the moment before a presentation in school. "You know, I never get used to doing this and it's already been 3 years."

"Oh, you've been nervous about public speaking since you were little. You take after me. Your mother was fearless, she always took to giving speeches, doing her opening and closing statements, speaking to a courtroom with gusto. But you and I? Well, it takes some practice but we're still a bag of nerves every time," Jim said, remembering how his wife used to ensnare a jury with just a few words. It was one of the first things that made him fall in love with her, her confidence and her capabilities in the courtroom, just two of the things that will always leave him in love with her.

"Yeah, I know, but… this is different, you know, talking about Mom, it's always hard but in front of a room of strangers—not just strangers, some pretty prominent people. And this year—well let's just say that it feels more important for a number of reasons so… Yes, I am ready, but I am also nervous, so… well, we should probably go before I find a way to back out and run for the hills," Kate said, chuckling self-consciously.

"You'll do great, like you always do, I have no doubt. You always make your mother proud Katie, so proud," Jim said, smiling at his daughter wistfully.

"Dad," Kate said, sounding more like a whiny teenager than the 35 year old women she is, "you're just lucky I prepared by wearing water proof mascara, I just didn't think I'd need it before I even got to the fundraiser."

He gave her the classic Beckett smirk, patting her shoulder, "Glad to be of service."

"Alright, everyone, the limousine is waiting for us outside. Single file now," Castle says, mimicking a person on the tarmac, leading the crowd in the apartment towards the door in a safe and orderly fashion.

Kate looked around at everyone in the room—her family, by blood or otherwise. Maybe there were people who were missing. Maybe there were people who had left them. But looking around the room, taking her fiancé's arm and heading out of the apartment, she felt full, the absence of her mother not such an incessant pain anymore.

* * *

"Let the schmoozing commence," Castle whispered in her ear as they entered the fundraiser, starting to make the rounds. Beckett replied with pursed lips, trying to hide her smile as they approached the big wigs to ask for money.

Just as Beckett was getting to her limit of schmoozing older white men who, despite knowing she was engaged to the man co-hosting the event, would still hit on her left and right, Castle approached behind her, putting an arm around her waist. Kate tensed before she heard Castle's voice at her ear, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm going to have to steal this lovely lady away from you gentlemen for a little dance now that the band has started playing."

Kate turned around as Castle took her glass, set it on a passing waiter's tray, and offered his hand to her. She took it gratefully, muttering an "excuse me" to… well, whatever-his-name was who was hopefully going to give her lots of money, but at that point she could hardly care less.

They went to the dance floor which was already filling up with people. Rick put one hand in Kate's and the other on her back, while Kate had one hand in Rick's and the other around Rick's shoulder. Kate kissed Castle chastely saying, "Thank you for saving me back there."

"Hey, that's what partners are for. Plus, I have experience with just how boring talking with Stephen Schwartzman can be," Castle said, wincing conspiratorially.

"Oh, _that_ was his name," she replied, scrunching her nose and shaking her head disgustingly.

Castle just chuckled, pulling her to him more snugly.

"I could stay in your arms like this forever," Kate whispered, laying her cheek on his shoulder as smooth jazz played in the background.

"Wow, you're a sappy drunk tonight," Castle whispered back laying his cheek against her hair briefly to talk into her ear.

"I've only had one drink," Kate said, wiggling her eyebrows. She took her hand that was in Rick's and smoothed it down his chest as she went on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. "And just so you know, I'm a horny drunk," She said as she nibbled on his earlobe and she heard Rick swallow hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. She went off her tiptoes and put her hand back in his laughing. "You are always so easy," Kate said with a wink.

Castle was desperate for a change of topic or he might just have to take Kate to the bathroom and have his wicked way with her. _Ok_ , stop those thoughts. Think about garbage, a crime scene, dead bodies. Ok, crisis averted.

"So, what _has_ made you so sappy, if not for the drink," Rick said.

"You," Kate said simply.

"Wow, even your _reasoning_ is sappy," Rick said chuckling. The band stopped playing their song and made their way to the back of the stage for dinner. "I think that's our cue to head backstage." He pulled away from Kate slightly and led her back stage, turning his back on her let her take a minute to glance toward the stage and take a deep breath to calm her nerves.

"Are you ready? Are you _sure_ I can't get a peek at the speech? Just two sentences?" Rick whined as they arrived backstage. By now, he was dying of anticipation, his eyes pleading.

Kate laughed, kind of glad for the distraction. "Yes, I'm ready. A little nervous, but ready. And no, you may not ' _get a peek_.' Not even just two sentences." Kate said with a smirk.

"Fine," Rick said with a whine. "But know that I'm only dropping this because I'm going to announce you in two seconds."

Kate tried to hide her nervousness but Castle could tell when her eyes looked to the ground and her hands clenched slightly that she was more worried than usual.

"Hey, look at me," Castle said lightly, grabbing her hands and squeezing, putting his head down trying to meet her eyes. "You're going to do great, you do every year. Let alone just with this speech, I mean, everything you do—you're amazing, incred—."

" _Castle_ ," Kate interrupted, jiggling his hands playfully. "It's just—this time feels different."

He smiled, nodding his head in agreement. "I get it. It makes complete sense that you'd be more nervous this year, after finally putting the man who murdered your mother behind bars. _But,_ that doesn't mean that you won't do just as good this year as every other year, trust me, I know you better than you know yourself," he said, simpering slightly, despite the situation.

Kate just shrugged her shoulders, not disapproving his statement. "I trust you completely."

When Castle could only respond with a star struck look on his face, she continued, "Thank you, for always believing in me… even when it's hard for me to do it myself."

Castle shook his head, his smile soft and reaching his eyes. He surged forward grabbing her cheeks, but stopping just short of kissing her, savoring the moment. His lips brushed hers softly, the emotion surging through both of them like electricity, their nerve endings tingling up to their fingers, down to their toes, making them lightheaded and heavy hearted all at once.

He is the first to pull away, looking down at Kate while her eyes are still closed. He waits until she finally looks up at him to reply, "It's my pleasure."

She grabs his hands off her cheeks, taking a deep breath and giving his hands a squeeze, finally severing the physical connection between them. "I think I'm ready now," she says standing up tall and putting a determined look on her face.

Castle nods as they both walk on stage while the crowd applauds. Castle walks up to the mic and Kate stays back a little and waits to be called up.

"Hello, everyone. I'm so glad you could make it tonight. I know it's very important to everyone who knew about Johanna Beckett that you're here. But I know I'm not the one you really want to hear from, so let me introduce my very lovely bride-to-be, Miss Katherine Beckett!" Castle said with his regular Castle flair. He directed Beckett over, kissing her on the cheek and steps back as the crowd applauds.

Kate stepped up to the podium and took a deep breath while the crowd calmed down. And she began, "Thank you, Castle. I know I'm not the writer in this relationship, but I'm just going to give it a try. It's a great honor that I get to come up here for the 3rd year in a row to talk to all of you about such an important topic in our city. I usually begin my speeches with the news that my mother's case and others like it are still unsolved, but this year, half of that statement isn't true. Finally, after 15 years, my mother's murder has been solved. Thanks to the help of my fiancé, Mr. Richard Castle, and our partners, Detective Kevin Ryan and Detective Javier Esposito, and also our Captain Victoria Gates, Mr. William Bracken was arrested for the murder of my mother, along with innumerable other crimes he has committed."

Kate paused as the crowd applauded. "I would also like to thank all of my family and friends. You have brought me through some of the toughest parts of my life, and I really can't thank you enough. Mr. Bracken took away my mother 15 ½ years ago. Those first years without my mother were some of the toughest I have ever faced. And, even though he doesn't know it, the only things that got me through those tough times were Richard Castle's books."

Kate paused to look over at her fiancé, he looked stunned. "Now, he knows I'm a fan of his books because of the first case we worked together. But I have never told him just how much of a fan me, and my mother, really are, because anyone who knows him, knows that his ego is big enough already."

Kate paused as the crowd laughed. "But, I feel he needs to know this. Yes, Richard Castle worked this case with me and my partners, and I don't know if we would have solved it without him and yes, we have saved _each other's_ lives more times than I can count, although he continues to say that he has saved my life more times than I have saved his. And, _for once… only once_ , he may actually be right."

The crowd laughed again. "About a year after my mother died, I got into her book collection. She had many authors in there some Patterson, some Russian and English novelists. But there was one name that stood out to me, and that was one Richard Castle. She had every single one of his books and he had signed all of them. My mother tried to get me to read them a lot before her death. She would say, 'You know Katie, you would really like this book, or that book, by Richard Castle.' And I would always reply, 'Yes, Mom, I'll have to look for him.' And by the tenth or so time she mentioned it, I actually did want to look into it ... If only to get her to stop hounding me about it."

Kate said with a smirk while the crowd chuckled. "But, you know how it is, college and friends and work get in the way. But the day I looked through her collection after her death, I promised myself that I would read every last one of the books by that author that she wanted me to read so much. So, I took all the books by him off her book shelf and took them to my dorm room at NYU. I set them all down and leafed through them, trying to decide which one to read first and all I could think of was how many times she must have read those books. The pages were tattered and worn and ripped. But, she wouldn't have gotten new ones, because they were sentimental to her. They were part of her. I was holding a part of her."

Kate paused for a moment to compose herself. "Once I had leafed through all of them, I decided to start with _Flowers for Your Grave_. Ironically enough, that is the book that brought Castle and I together in person for the first time."

Beckett turned to look at Castle and she saw what she had expected to see. He was stunned, his eyes displaying such emotion, his mouth left slightly ajar. Kate turned back and continued, "As I started to read it, I started to see what she was saw in the author. Rick has a certain way he writes. If I was given something he had written and they told me someone else had written it, I could tell just by reading it that it was him. He is very accurate in the details and doesn't leave out any parts that may seem harsh. My mother had read those books so much she had written little comments in the margins. They'd say, 'That joke was funny.' Or, 'He's the killer,' or, 'No, she's the killer.' It gave me a connection to her even after her death. Castle's writing gave me hope. It made me truly believe that my mother would get justice and that, one way or another, everyone gets what they deserve. I fell in love with Richard Castle's writing long before I even knew him. I finished half of my mother's collection that day and the rest the day after. Ever since that day, I've gotten every one of Castle's new books. Rick has seen my collection of books and has offered many times before to get me new ones. The books have even more ware and tare now than before and some of them have scorch marks from when my house blew up four years ago." Kate chuckled to herself. "That's a story that Rick _loves_ to tell."

"But I declined his offer every time and I don't think he ever knew the real reason until now. Those books are a connection to my mother that I can never get back, and I could never give that up. Wherever my mom is now she is saying her four favorite words. I told you so." Kate laughed with the audience.

"I'm not here to promote my fiancé's writing, despite what it may look like. But he helped me come to terms with my mother's murder, even though he didn't know it. I was lucky. A lot of people don't have someone or something to help them through a situation like this. I have to speak from experience that it never really goes away. On my mom's birthday or on the anniversary of her death, I remember all that she is going to miss in my life. But I now have the knowledge that Mr. Bracken cannot hurt anyone ever again. And since I put those handcuffs on him a few weeks ago, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The work that my mother put her whole life into hasn't gone to waste. I feel like I can finally be happy. The Johanna Beckett Memorial Fund was created to give money to people who will strive to help people like me and my father, who have had their families torn apart by tragedy, get the closure that we finally have, and that they all ultimately deserve. Now, I believe dinner is ready to be served. So, I want you all to know again how honored I am to get the opportunity to speak to you tonight. I hope all of you will seriously consider giving money to the Johanna Beckett Memorial fund. We want you to know that that money will not be wasted. Thank You," Kate finished with a nod. She stepped back from the podium and everyone from her families' table stood and applauded and everyone else in the crowd followed suit. When she turned back, she could tell Castle was emotional, his eyes moist reflecting love and devotion. She went over to him, took his hand, and led him off stage.

Once they were off stage, Rick pinned her against the wall with one hand on her cheek and the other on her lower back and kissed her passionately, no softness this time. Kate immediately gave into him with a surprised squeak and wrapped her arms around his torso. When they broke the kiss, they stayed close… their foreheads touching. Kate looked up at him and saw so much in his eyes it was almost overwhelming.

Beckett smiled up at him and said, "So, how was my speech?"

Castle chuckled and shook his head saying, "Your speech was… wow, I couldn't have written anything better. You are … I can't even describe how amazed I am of you right now. How amazed I am of you every day."

Kate smiled, bit her lip, looked down, and blushed. Then, she brought her head up and asked, "So, you liked it?"

Castle was flabbergasted. How could she question whether he liked it or not? "Liked it?! I—No one has ever done that for me before. Was what you said… was that all true?" he asked.

Beckett smile got even wider. "Yeah… every word," she replied.

"My books they're—god, they're nothing compared to what you just said," Castle said, softly.

"Well… I wouldn't say that…" Beckett trailed off as she looked down to hide her blush.

Castle moved his hand from her cheek to her chin and lifted up her face saying, "Well, I would. Come to think of it, I just did. That—you spoke directly from your heart out there and, you know you might think that your vulnerability is a weakness but you were more vulnerable out there than I have ever seen you and yet, that's also the strongest I've ever seen you. Your vulnerability is what gives you strength."

Beckett gave him a watery smile, "You bring it out in me."

Castle tugged her back when she tried to make her way back to the table, "One more thing, can I just ask… can I have a copy of the speech?"

Beckett brought the hand that had her speech in it from where it was in back of him and stuck the folded up paper in his tuxedo jacket pocket gingerly. She had a copy of it on her computer if she ever wanted to look at it again.

"One more kiss for the road?" Kate asked coyly.

Castle smiled and gave her one more kiss. Kate grabbed Rick's hand and twinned their fingers together and walked back to the table. When they got in their seats, dinner was just being served. Friendly conversation ensued throughout dinner and when dinner was done, Jim got up and pushed his chair in, leaning on the back.

"Alright guys, I think I'm going to take my leave in a minute. Katie, I am so proud of you and I know your mother would be just as proud, too," Jim said.

Beckett got up to hug and kiss her dad good bye. "Thanks Dad, The car is waiting for you outside. I'll talk to you later."

"Thanks, Katie. Bye everyone." Jim replied as he left and everyone bid him adieu.

Alexis pushed out her chair and ran over to Jim. "Jim, wait." Alexis called.

"Yes, Alexis?" Jim replied turning back to the group and Alexis.

"I was just wondering, I have to turn in my final term paper two weeks before the end of the year and I just finished it so could you come to the loft and look it over?" Alexis said.

She knew he would say yes. He liked to spoil her. At first, she wasn't used to a grandfather, but he turned out to be pretty awesome, and he could never say no to her. He also gave her some valuable insight into her Kate's childhood. Great blackmail material.

"Of course, sometime this week sound okay?"

"Yeah, thanks," Alexis said as she hugged Jim.

Jim hugged back then went to leave as he said, "You're welcome, Red. Don't spend too much time with your grandmother. Have some fun of your own."

Alexis laughed and said, "Don't worry, I will."

"Not too much fun, though," Jim replied with a smirk. "Don't go giving your Dad a heart attack."

Alexis laughed again and said, "Don't worry, I won't. Kate would kill me."

Jim just laughed and left in the car. When he got in to his house, he set his coat on the kitchen table and untied his tie and left it around his neck. He loves the fundraiser every year, glad to be included by Katie and Rick, but it also reminded him of everything his wife has missed and will miss in Katie's life. It's something he's grown used to, but sometimes it hits him unusually hard. He was about to head up to bed when he heard a knock at the door. When he answered it, there was a red-headed women and a man standing there.

Agent Shaw held up her credentials for Jim, then said, "Hi Mr. Beckett, I'm Agent Jordan Shaw and this is my partner Agent Avery from the FBI. We're gonna need you to come with us."

* * *

 _A/N: I don't know how I feel about this chapter, I wanted to include the fundraiser to showcase both the dynamics between the big unconventional family as they currently are and how much they have and haven't moved on since Johanna's death and the arrest was made, so here it is. Review and let me know what you thought! Next chapter we finally get some reactions._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Jim Beckett didn't know exactly what to expect as he grabbed his tuxedo jacket and got into the black SUV. Agent Shaw had said that she would explain everything on the way to wherever they were going. He probably should have called Katie and talked to her. He doubts he's in any trouble but, if he is, his daughter will want to know.

"Don't I get a phone call?" Jim joked, trying to mask his nervousness. "My daughter should know where I am, she might get nervous if she doesn't hear from me."

Agent Shaw looked over at him. She didn't really know how or when to begin. This is as good a time and as good a place as any.

"Mr. Beckett we wanted to let you know what was going on first, before we brought Detective Beckett into the mix. I've only just learned of this… _situation_ myself this morning. I don't really know how to start, but I guess I should just say it… Your wife, Johanna Beckett, is alive," Agent Shaw said. She looked over at Jim's face and it didn't change.

"I'm sorry, but you must be mistaken. My wife is dead. Murdered 15 years ago by Mr. William Bracken. Her murder was just solved a few weeks ago. It's been all over the news, surely you have seen it. If this is some kind of joke, I can assure you it's _not_ funny," Jim said. He tried to keep his temper in check but as he kept speaking his voice rose steadily. He was normally not an angry man but when it came to his family... Now this so-called FBI agent seems to know him and his daughter and is telling him that his very dead wife is not in fact dead. He thinks he has a little right to raise his voice.

"I assure you Mr. Beckett that your wife is very much alive." Agent Shaw paused, gathering her thoughts, and when it looked like Jim was about to say something, she continued. "Before you say anything else let me explain. In 1999, the FBI was given word that hits were put on a lawyer, your wife, who had been working the case of one Joe Pulgotti. The FBI had to act fast. They decided the best option was to send her involved into hiding for an indeterminable amount of time, until they felt it was safe for them to come back. In the meantime, she would be classified as dead and her family was not to be notified until the FBI felt it safe. Your wife agreed that it was the best course of action. She has been living in Portland, Maine where she was a lawyer at her own law firm. Her name was Sophia Randall. She has not been able to have any contact with anyone from her life. She couldn't go on the internet, read any newspapers, read any magazines, or watch any news so she knows nothing about either of you. She didn't know about Mr. Bracken's arrest until we told her about it. As a matter of fact she hasn't had much time to ask anything about the investigation except whether it was done or not. We've brought her a safe house here in New York. That's where we're bringing you right now. I was notified about this situation today because they wanted a friendly face to deliver the news. I worked with Beckett and Castle on a case about 4 years ago and we've kept in touch since. I was given an invitation to the wedding, actually. Well, I guess this is the part where I say I know you must be angry, but honestly, I've never been in a situation like this, so I don't have a clue what you must be feeling." Jordan paused. "I'll give you a chance to gather your thoughts before we get there."

Jim Beckett had so many thoughts running through his head that he couldn't focus on any of them well enough to figure anything out. The story _did_ seem at least semi-logical, but no, _no_ , he couldn't go through this again. His wife was dead. Had been for almost two decades! He knew he had to get to the bottom of this before anyone brought Katie into the mix. She would be furious. "I'm sorry, but I'd need to see this for myself. And even then, no matter how much of a friend you are to Katie and Rick, this could all be some kind of hoax. This probably _is_ some kind of hoax. And even if I believe this, Katie will need undeniable proof." He trailed off, pausing. "Why now? Why do they feel it safe for her to come now?"

Jordan sighed. "The case has been solved. The guilty party is in prison, there is no danger for her or your family anymore. I know that this is going to take some time to get used to but I can assure you it's very true. I really didn't have any idea what to expect from you, Mr. Beckett, but I wanted to bring you here first so that you can be involved in deciding the best course of action for Beckett. I know she won't want to hear this, especially right now."

Jim scoffed as they pulled up outside the house, "You got that right… she'll be furious, beyond furious."

"I honestly don't think the FBI or Mrs. Beckett had any idea that it would go on this long. They had no clue how far the conspiracy went. Now that they know, they may have chosen a different course of action, like taking all of you with her, even though Mrs. Beckett greatly stressed that that was not an option," Jordan explained as they got out of the SUV.

Jim stood in front of the house not really looking forward to this confrontation. How could his wife agree to something like this? How could she not tell him what her plans were? He could have helped her. "If… this women has been in hiding, does that mean she doesn't know about Katie getting shot because of this case… does she not know about the danger she put her daughter in?" Jim asked angrily before they got to the door.

"She doesn't know anything about that, no. She knows only what I have told her and that's not much because I know that Kate wouldn't want her business being told to anyone, even if this woman is her mother," Jordan said as she and Avery held up their credentials to the agents at the door and stepped in the hallway, Jim looked very hesitant and angry, his face desperately trying to stay neutral, despite the scowl that is clearly etched on it. Shaw showed Jim to the door of the room Johanna was in. He stood at the entrance stock still, not willing to enter.

"Come on in, Mr. Becket."

Jim took a deep breath and crossed the threshold. As he stepped in the room, his breath stuttered, almost stopping all together, and his eyes bulged, tears gathering at the edges. He was standing in the same room as his dead wife for the first time in 15 years.

* * *

"Jim," Johanna whimpered out as she stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. Jim just stood there staring, trying to keep his rolling emotions off his face. This woman definitely looked exactly like his Jo. He just stood and looked on for a moment. If this was some horrible dream, he wanted to get a good look at her before it all came crashing down. Jim looked down at the floor, breathing heavily.

Johanna stepped closer to Jim and put a hand on his arm, "Jim, please," she said in a small voice.

As soon as she did this, he stepped back and took his arm away, slanting his body away from her and towards the door, just in case he felt the need to run. In fact, there was no 'just in case', he definitely wanted to run, he was just preparing ahead of time. Johanna stepped back, her face crumpling despite her trying to prevent this from happening. Jim knew this woman would be hurt by this, but he needed to wrap his head around this. He turned to look at Jordan, and shook his head saying, "This _cannot_ be happening." Jim paused, his face pulling and his eyes bulging with shock. "Oh god, am I drunk?"

Jordan smiled sympathetically, "No, Mr. Beckett, you're not drunk."

"Oh thank god," Jim muttered under his breath. The last thing he needed right now was to have fallen off the wagon.

"Jim, I know that right now you must be confused… and angry and you are completely justified in that, in anything you're feeling—."

"I am taken from my home and dropped in front of you, this person who looks… god, who looks like my dead wife and the first thing you do is try to claim you know how I feel?" Jim asked, his breathing shallow, his anger heavy in his throat.

"This person—I am your dead wife," Johanna said, letting out a watery chuckle.

"I—I don't know if I can believe that," Jim said with desperation, both an apology and not an apology all at once.

"I was born…," Johanna began weakly, pausing, clearing her throat, and starting again stronger, "I was born on February 4th, 1951. Johanna Rose Johnson, you used to tease me about it, called me JJ until we got married. You were born on February 13th, 1950, only a year older than me but I always teased you about being an old man. We met each other in law school. We were both third years, because I skipped a year. We were in the same internship, how we had missed each other the two years before I have no idea, it's not like Columbia is _that_ big. Anyway, we were at that internship for a year and continued on after we graduated and passed the bar. We worked together for 2 more years after that before we ever started dating but the feelings were there. You used to tell me that you loved me from the day you met me, but that first year we were just right at each other's throats. We were both so competitive, trying to prove ourselves. But once we actually earned jobs there and we weren't competing so much as working together, we became great friends, but there was always more. I don't think it was until that shooting at the courthouse, at least for me. We were both working different cases, but when I heard those shots… and then it _still_ took us a few months for either one of us to get the balls to actually make the first move. A lot more happened of course, but… six months later we were engaged, six months more, and we were married. We had Katie a year later. Born November 17th, 1979, 3:32 p.m. at New York Presbyterian Hospital, 7 lbs. 10 oz. A screamer from the day she was born," Johanna finished, trailing off, silent tears falling down her face that she just notices, wiping them away quickly. She didn't move her eyes from Jim the whole time, his tears setting heavy in his eyes, only sitting on the edge, so close to falling.

Jim stumbled back into a chair and sat down with his head in his hands, not looking away from his wife. It's Johanna… that's Johanna… she's Johanna…

"Yes," Johanna whispered, because evidently he had said that out loud.

"How… when… why… Johanna, do you have any idea what you've done?" Jim scowls, his mouth feeling awkward, talking about Johanna in the present tense.

"In fact, I do know what I've done, Jim. I've had to live with the guilt for all these years," she said defensively, her face showing the guilt clearly, her eyes directed downward, her hands rubbing nervously.

"How are we going to tell Katie?" Jim asked breathlessly, looking down at the floor himself, still trying to wrap his mind around the situation that seems both too good to be true and too ridiculous to be true.

"Jim I—I need to see her. I needed to see both of you, to explain. If you don't want me to be in your lives after that then... I can handle that, I understand, but I have to see my family," Johanna says, a desperation in her voice, her eyes pleading, her hands extended toward him reflexively.

"You left us, _you_ did that," Jim growled, his anger coming out without his permission. "Yet we owe you?"

"No, I owe you… I owe you the truth—."

"Oh, don't worry, Agent Shaw explained everything I need to know. You… You left us without so much as a note, a phone call. Something, _anything_ to let us know you were alive, you didn't trust us," Jim said, his voice rising steadily. He stood up and approached her without realizing and when his anger haze cleared, he huffed out his breath heavily and stepped back towards his seat.

"I didn't trust the people I was up against. They weren't just threatening me they were threatening you, they threatened my family and the FBI said that if I went away, you would be safe, they would be able to protect you. I was desperate, so I agreed. I didn't know until I got there, until it was already done that they were going to fake my death, that you couldn't know, that I just had to sit there and wait. But you were safe, Katie was safe, you were alive and god, that's all that mattered. I didn't care if you moved on, I didn't care if you hated me, if you never took me back, all I cared about was you and Katie being alive, safe and healthy. That's _my_ truth. That's what I need to tell you, both of you."

Johanna stood while she was talking but sank down heavily again as she trailed off. "I've been living a lie for 15 years, I think it's time I get the chance to tell the truth… I think it's time for you to know the truth… even if it is makes no difference."

Jim looked away from Johanna, having been staring at her while she told her story, seeing the desperation in the way she stood, every movement of her body until she sagged heavily back into the cushions and he looked to the floor.

"Agent Shaw, I think you should go get Katie. She should be back at the loft by now," Jim said, not looking up from the carpet.

Shaw nodded and said, "Maybe you two should talk about things before Kate gets here. She's going to have enough problems dealing with this herself, she shouldn't have to listen to you two trying to sort everything else as well." Shaw then turned and left with Agent Avery. This was going to be a _long_ night.

* * *

 _A/N: What did you think of Jim and Johanna finally meeting? Review and let me know!_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

After Jim left the fundraiser, it was a few hours still before everyone else headed home.

When the Castle's had finally gotten into the loft, Alexis kissed Kate and her dad on the cheek, and trudged up the stairs saying good night. Martha broke out the wine and headed up to her room with the bottle and a glass, saying good night as well. As soon as they were gone, Beckett took Castle's hand and dragged him into the office where she shut and locked the door. She then dragged him into their bedroom and shut that door as well just before Rick spun her around, interlocked their fingers next to her head and started kissing her passionately, their bodies flush together. Kate unlocked their fingers, not breaking the kiss, undid Castle's tie and flung it somewhere in the corner. They broke the kiss and Kate smoothed her hands down his chest and pushed his tuxedo jacket off his shoulder and threw it somewhere near the tie.

Kate looked over her shoulder and back at Castle, perplexed saying, breathlessly, "We really like doors, don't we?"

Castle growled, answering, "I like the woman pushed up _against_ the door."

Kate smiled and winked salaciously and kissed Castle putting one hand on his chest as the other ran through his hair. He moaned into the kiss as she nipped at his lower lip. Kate broke the kiss and started peppering his neck with open-mouth kisses. When she got to that one special place right behind his ear that always drove him crazy, she bit down and soothed the spot with her tongue. She nipped at Castle's earlobe as she finished unbuttoning his shirt. She whispered huskily in his ear, "Do you know what you do to me in this tuxedo? All I have wanted to do all night is _rip_ it off you."

Before Castle could answer, there was a knock at the loft door, muffled by the other two doors separating them. Kate looked up at Castle, furrowing her brows questioningly. He just shrugged, tugging her towards the bed. "Alexis or mother will answer it," he replied to the silent question she was asking.

Kate's knees hit the back of the bed and she would have fallen back if Rick hadn't caught her in a deep kiss, his hands on her lower back, hugging her tightly to him. He removed his hands from her lower back when she pushed his shirt off of his shoulders and tossed it blindly across the room. Another knock sounded, but this time it was on the door to Castle's office. They broke the kiss, looking questioningly at each other, but before they could ask any questions, Alexis' voice rang through the apartment.

"Kate… Dad," Alexis called, "Agent Shaw is here to see you."

"Agent Shaw? Jordan? What would she be doing here? You aren't going back to work until tomorrow, right?" Rick asked as he sat on the bed next to where Kate was standing.

"Be right there, Lex," she called out to the teenager, before she answered Castle's questions.

"I have the whole weekend off. Maybe she isn't here about a case. She _did_ get an invite to the wedding. Maybe she wanted to congratulate us in person or something," she said as she made her way over to the mirror. She wiped the smeared lipstick off her face and tried to deal with her mussed hair. She straightened her dress and turned back to Castle, who was still sitting on the bed. "I'm gonna go out now. You put your shirt back on," she said, throwing his shirt over to him, "and get cleaned up and meet me out there in a minute. Ok?" She made her way over to him. She put her hand on his neck and wiped some of her lipstick that was there off. She moved her hand to his cheek, rubbing her thumb across it.

"Ok, and then we can restart where we left off," Rick replied with a smirk as he pulled her in for one last lingering kiss.

Kate bit her lip seductively, before turning and walking out the door with an extra sway in her step and a twinkle in her eye. When she got to the living room, she indeed saw Agent Jordan Shaw standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Kate walked over and shook Jordan's hand: "Jordan, it's nice to see you again."

"You too. And may I just say, Congratulations," Jordan said, pointing at the sparkling diamond ring on Beckett's left hand.

"Oh thank you, but I think we both know what you really want to say," Beckett replied. She figured this must not be a business call, because Jordan usually got right to the point. Her and Castle had been requested by Agent Shaw a few times since the case they worked together four years ago. She found both of them worked very well with her and Agent Avery and was happy to have them come along. They had become good friends and they would always come to the loft for a poker night when they were in town.

" _What_? I don't know _what_ you're talking about?" Jordan said with fake confusion.

"Oh come on, Jordan. Don't play dumb with me. I'm all ears, so, go ahead, say it," Beckett said, inviting her to come out with it, her hand beckoning, accepting her defeat gracefully.

"Fine… I told you so," Jordan said with a smug look while Beckett just rolled her eyes.

"Who told whom what?" Castle asked as he came into the living room to join them. He walked over to them and shook Jordan's hand. "Jordan Shaw, it's a pleasure to see you tonight. It's been almost a year since we saw you last correct?" Castle paused as Jordan nodded. "And, I believe the last time you were here you cheated me out of all my money in poker," Castle continued.

"For the last time, I did _not_ cheat… _You_ are just a sore loser!" Jordan exclaimed.

Castle feigned shock. Beckett looked up at Castle with a knowing look on her face, "Oh come on, Castle. You know she's right. Don't tell me you already forgot the scrabble fiasco?"

Castle scowled down at his fiancé while her and Jordan laughed. "Well, Jordan, what can we do for you tonight?"

Jordan sighed, "Actually I'm here on official business. I'm going to need to take Beckett with me."

Castle and Beckett both looked at each other startled "Well, why not both of us?" he asked, with a slight pout to his lips.

"It's complicated. I'm going to explain to Beckett on our way there. We may or may not be here to pick you up later. Beckett, will you please come with me?" Jordan asked as she beckoned Kate towards the door.

Kate nodded, while Castle asked, "She's not in trouble, or something, is she?"

"No, no trouble. I'll brief Beckett about the situation on the way there," Jordan said as she opened the door, waiting there for her.

Beckett went over to the couch and retrieved her wrap and her clutch with her badge and her gun in it and went back over to Castle who was looking skeptical. He didn't want another one of those 'undercover ops' that he couldn't be part of that could put his fiancé in danger. She put her hands on his chest and went on her tiptoes, giving him a peck on the lips.

"Don't worry babe, I won't do anything without notifying you first," Beckett said, trying to assure Castle. "Now, I gotta go but, I'll be back before you know it and we can _continue_ what we were doing before," she continued, winking at Castle and moving towards the open door and Agent Shaw.

"Alright, I'll hold you to that," Castle conceded with a smirk, though it looked a little weighted down with worry.

Beckett exited the loft and went towards the elevator. Jordan took a deep breath, gathering her nerves and shut the door behind her heading the same way as Kate.

"Here we go," she muttered.

* * *

After the agents left, Jim and Johanna just starred at each other, both wondering how to start. They didn't move for who knows how long before Jim ultimately broke the silence.

"How long?" Jim asks, in a gravelly voice, his eyes directed at the carpet again, his body tense, his muscles tethered tight, his hands clenched in front of him.

Johanna startled at the sudden disturbance to the silence. "How _long_?"

"How long did you know that you were going to leave us before that night?"

Johanna gulped quietly, roving her eyes over her husband, desperate to look him in the eye, although also dreading it, but he wouldn't look up from the floor. "A week," she pauses when Jim scoffs, "But I first met with the FBI a month before, about the death threats that I was receiving."

Jim shakes his head and smirks ironically. "Not only have you lied to us for the past 15 years, but also for months before that."

" _One_ Month, _A_ Month," Johanna interjected, weaker than she intended it to be. "And you knew about the death threats, you… you're the one that told me to stop. I didn't listen to you, I never could back down, and now we've all suffered… more than we should have, more than you or Katie should have certainly."

Jim sighed, wiping his hand over his face wearily, Johanna watching it all with caution and concern. "I—I need to tell you something, before Katie gets here, I—I don't want you to be ambushed." Jim pauses, his adams apple bobbing as he swallows thickly. "After your dea—well, after you left, I uh, I didn't cope very well. I developed an addiction to… alcohol. I'm an alcoholic."

Johanna again tries to meet his eye, but he looks around the room, never settling on her. "Jim… I'm so sorry—."

"Don't," he said sternly, looking her straight in the eye, his gaze not wavering. "Do not feel guilty about that. I didn't tell you so you would feel guilty. Maybe there are things that you should feel guilty about right now, but this—my addiction—it's not one of them. That's on me, it's my burden to carry," he paused, pulling his 11 year chip out of his wallet, showing it to her and putting it back as he spoke, "I've been sober for 11 years. I… wasn't there for Katie when you left, when she needed me most. Our relationship was strained for a bit, but we're good now. Jo, it's gonna take us, _me_ , a while to wrap our heads around this, to figure things out, but we'll be good again too. Soon. That is if this isn't all just some twisted dream that I'll wake up from in our bed without you."

Before she could think better of it, Johanna reached over and pinched his thigh, smirking slightly at his startled expression looked up to meet hers. "Not a dream."

Jim couldn't keep the awe from his face, his eyes roving over her, allowing himself to see her, to gaze upon her for the first time in 15 years. When his eyes got back to her face, he saw that she was doing the same thing, blushing when she realized she been caught and even though he was still angry and hurt and confused, he couldn't not find it adorable.

"You look good," Johanna blurted, her eyes going wide while Jim's eyebrows raised and a slight smirk gracing his lips. "I mean, I—you're all dressed up. Jordan told me about the fundraiser… _my_ fundraiser."

"Well, the fundraiser in your… memory, yes. That was tonight," He responded cryptically.

"I have a fundraiser in my memory, in my name?" Johanna asks, brow furrowing and head shaking confusedly.

"Yes. You do."

"I mean, got any more information for me?" she asks, chuckling weakly.

Jim sighs, leaning back heavily on the couch. "Katie and… _an investor_ set it up. And I know that you want to know about all that you've missed and this might sound… _weird_ , for lack of a better term, but I just don't feel comfortable telling you about Katie's life without her permission, without her even knowing you exist yet."

Johanna sucked in a breath, feeling the hurt deep within her even as she tried not to feel that way, tried to keep it off of her face. When she didn't respond right away, Jim continued, trying to explain more clearly.

"Jo, I—I let her down once and when I got sober, I promised myself that it would never happen again. Her mother or not, she wouldn't want me telling someone things about her life that she didn't approve of first. And that's most important right now," he finished, his eyes pleading, his body leaning forward, unconsciously seeking hers in absolution.

She swallowed thickly, her head shaking in acquiescence. "Jim, I get it. I understand. And I can only hope that eventually Katie will accept me back into her life… and I'll know these things for myself. But I'll be here, for as long as either of you will have me."

* * *

 _A/N: The suspense building yet?_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Once Agent Shaw and Kate were in the SUV with Agent Avery, Kate turned toward Jordan with a stern, guarded look and asked, "Alright, now that I'm here, can you please explain to me what information I could know but my fiancé couldn't?"

"Right to business as always. Now look you're not going to believe this and even after I fully explain this you may not believe it, probably won't, so please just let me explain everything before you interrupt me, ok?"

Beckett looked skeptical but agreed with a nod. As Jordan explained the whole situation, Beckett got more and more skeptical. It isn't possible. Her mother is dead.

When Jordan was all finished, Beckett had her eyes closed and was pinching the bridge of her nose. She took a deep breath and began saying, "Whoever told you this is getting a cruel trick played on them. I've seen this before, someone finds out over the news that their relative is dead, they may look like that person and use it to get money. Everyone knows about my connection to Castle, I am sure that this person, Sophia whoever, knows this too and will leave if we were to offer her money."

"She has no clue about your connection to Castle, as I said before. I didn't want to bring Castle because I didn't think it was my place to tell him before you had all of the information yourself. I know you don't believe me, but if you were to ask her some questions, questions that only she would be able to answer, you may start to believe it. Your father—," before Jordan could continue, she was cut-off by an angry Beckett.

"My father! You brought my father to this fraud?" Beckett exclaimed, her teeth clenching and her breath coming out of her nose in spurts.

"Yes, and your father, he seems to believe her enough to bring you out to see her. Look, we're almost there. I'll bring you in and you can see her and decide what to do from there," Jordan finished.

"There are ways to make someone look like someone else, I would know. I worked that 3XK case where they looked exactly like Dr. Parish and Detective Esposito. You can even change someone's speech patterns to make them sound like a different person. It wouldn't be that hard."

"I'll let you see for yourself," Jordan said as they pulled up to the house and got out of the SUV. All three of them showed their badges to the guards outside as they entered. Jordan showed Kate toward the door with Johanna and Jim inside. Kate stood and stared at the door, gathering her nerves, her palms clammy, her hands rubbing rhythmically, despite the fact that there was nothing to be nervous about. Her mother wasn't behind that door, so none of this mattered. She pushed the door open to see Jim and Johanna standing at opposite ends of the room and all she could do was stare at the woman. She couldn't look more like her mother if she wanted to, a few years older sure, but that still didn't change the fact that this person looked exactly like Johanna Beckett. Her mother was dead. In the ground. Buried. If she wasn't—no, she couldn't even think of that as a possibility right now.

"Katie…," Johanna said tentatively. She couldn't believe how beautiful her daughter looked. So grown up and put together, in her long gown and stiletto heels.

"There's no way… this is, this can't be happening," Kate whispered, taking big heaving breaths.

"Katie, it's me… Your mother. I—."

"My mother is dead," Kate cried sternly, her hand reflexively moving to the scar where a bullet ripped through her because she was investigating that very case. "I can't—I can't believe this, we identified her body, I have spent years staring at pictures of her, stabbed to death and left to die in an alley like a piece of trash."

Johanna's eyes were wet, looking on as her daughter tried to comprehend this situation, the situation that she put her family in. "You have every right not to believe me, Katie, but it is me… your mom. I gave birth to you. I remember every hour of that 16 hour labor. It was November 17th, 1979. You were the most beautiful—and loud—baby we had ever seen. You were such an independent kid. We were always worried about you not having any siblings, whether you would be lonely or not, but you made your own fun. And you were so friendly, so giggly, making friends so easily. So stubborn. Your father says you get it from me, but I think you get a little bit from both of us. We had so much fun, you and I. We would read together every night before bed. Even when you got older, we'd sit down together in the living room and each read our own books, but it was our time together. Even when I'd stay at work late, you'd wait up for me, way past your bed time. When you got old enough, we'd go on runs together. Even when you became a rebellious teenage years, we'd always find time to go on a run together, even if we were both brooding and didn't say a word to each other the whole time—."

"Stop," Kate murmured weakly, her eyes directed towards the ground, her breathing getting shallower by the minute. Jim turned toward her, worried at how pale her skin looked and the sweat starting to show itself along her brow.

"Johanna, maybe—," Jim tried to interject, but Johanna barely heard him, her words rushing out of her after so much time being held inside.

"I started teaching you Russian in high school. You had said that French was getting boring, that you wanted to learn something new, so I told you about Babushka Victoria, my grandmother, your great-grandmother and how she taught me about her home, about Russia—."

"Stop," Kate yelled louder, finally getting Johanna's attention, her just noticing how sickly her daughter looked. Everyone paused tensely, waiting for Kate's next move, while Kate sucked deep breaths in, feeling the numbness in her fingers, lightheadedness making her close her eyes. Her heart was starting to race in her chest, breathing hurt, making her push her fingers to her scar again.

"I—I can't be here right now," Kate whispers, rushing past Jordan out the door. She didn't think as she ran into the first room she saw that had a door with a lock. Johanna stepped to go after her, but Jordan stopped her with a hand up in front of her.

"I shouldn't have said anything, I didn't know that she'd react—I don't understand, I need to go to her."

"Kate always needs a little time to process things. This is just too much for her right now. I'm going to go see if I can get anything for her," Jordan said as she left the room. She checked the downstairs first, and finding nothing amiss, checked the upstairs and found the door to one of the bedrooms locked. Jordan knocked on the door. "Kate, can I come in?"

"Are you alone?"

"Yes, all alone, no parents to be seen here," Jordan said with a smirk.

Kate sighed and unlocked the door as a silent invitation. Jordan came in and saw Kate was hunched in front of the vanity, gripping the table tightly, and breathing slowly through her mouth.

Jordan went beside Kate, leaning her hip against the vanity, crossing her arms, and tipping her head to the side slightly regarding Kate silently. Finally she spoke, "What do you need?"

Kate closed her eyes, trying to keep in the tears she can feel building behind her eyes, and gulping thickly. "I need Castle. I—I just need him."

"I'll send Castle up once he gets here," Jordan said patting her shoulder on her way out of the bathroom. Nobody was hurt, there was no physical confrontation. This was going better than she thought it would.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Jordan went down the stairs and into the living room where she found Jim sitting with his face in his hands and Johanna twisting her hands nervously. When they heard her come in, they both stood and stared at her intently, asking the same silent question.

"Kate… needs a minute. I'll be back soon, I'm going to go pick someone up," Jordan said as she left the room, leaving Jim and Johanna in the room alone. Jim stood there for a moment then sighed and sat back down taking up the position he had before. Johanna sat and stared at Jim a moment, questioningly, desperately.

"What did I do wrong?" Johanna asked in a weak voice, but one dripping in despair.

Jim didn't look up at her. He simply directed his sigh toward the floor. "Johanna…"

"I obviously did something wrong, Jim," she replied strongly when he didn't continue. "I didn't—God, I didn't just make our daughter cry, I—I broke her, she fled."

"She was devastated when you died Johanna and you tried to shove the truth—well, what may be the truth—in her face. This is an awful big bomb to drop on her—on both of us—after fifteen years. Did you think she would find out the news after so long and things would just go back to the way things were? That either of us would react that way?"

"God, of course not, I honestly expected anger, a lot of it. But she didn't show anger, she didn't yell, she just…left. The Katie I knew—."

"The Katie you knew was a teenager, this Katie is a 34 year old woman. Not to mention that her mom was ripped from her life when she was just 19. This Katie has been through a lot," Jim said, only looking up at the end to see Johanna's wince etched onto her face. Jim sighed, "Johanna, I'm sorry, I didn't mean—."

Johanna put her hand up to stop him, forcing her face to smooth and the burning of tears in her throat to subside. "No, don't take it back. You did mean it. I guess I just—I know it's been a long time that we've been without each other, but I knew her during her first nineteen years of life, I guess I just thought that I'd know a little something, that not everything had changed so completely," she trailed off at the end, trying to keep the devastation from consuming her.

Jim reached carefully, almost awkward in his hesitance, towards her, placing his hand on her navy cloth covered knee and she jolted, sitting stock still, not wanting to spook him away. He put a weak smirk on his face. "Don't worry, Jo. Somethings will never change."

Johanna had to physically forbid herself from reaching forward and smoothing her fingers over the back of his hand, a habit even after so long. Both fortunately and unfortunately, she didn't have to restrict herself for long, as Jim moved his hand away far too quickly for her taste, but when he sat back he looked just a little more open. She was hesitant to say anything more, to go back to the Jim that's closed off and hurting, and usually she's better at censoring herself but her desperation to know _more, more, more_ gets the better of her.

"What happened to my engagement ring?"

Jim looked up sharply, his head tilting slightly, his eyes calculating. She could see clearly when he relented, his face relaxing slightly, his eyes resigned.

"Katie wears it, a reminder of the person she lost," Jim said quietly, reverently, watching intently as Johanna failed to hold back her emotions from her face, her guilt and sorrow manifesting itself in not just her expression but in the way she slumped back and avoided Jim's eye.

* * *

Kate was standing in front of the mirror looking down at her hands, trying to get her breathing under control. Too much, that's all she kept thinking. This is too much. She had so many questions going through her mind.

 _Is this true? If it is, how did this happen? Why would the FBI lie? She worked at the AG's office for almost three months, surly she would have known if they were investigating the case? Maybe they weren't investigating the case, maybe they figured that it would never be solved and everything would go on as normal? How could the FBI do this without alerting Kate and Jim? How could her mother do this without alerting them? How could she lie? She always told the truth, so how could she lie for 15 years? She could have let them know, given them warning, they could have kept the secret, right? Why couldn't they have even gone with her? They just solved her mother's case, she was finally happy, so why now? This plan would have to be pretty elaborate to fool her and her father, so her mother would have known about this for weeks, maybe even months, right? Months of walking and talking and acting as if everything was ok when it wasn't, when she was about to leave them, and she couldn't even give them a warning? Maybe even told them that something was going to happen and not to worry? She couldn't have told them that she might be late for dinner, because, oh yeah, 'I'm going off to Maine and I'm going to make you think I'm dead?' And even if she couldn't then, she had 15 some odd years to contact them and she never did? What would have happened to her had her mother not died? Would she have become a cop? Would she have become a lawyer like she wanted to? Would her father have become an alcoholic? Would she have met Castle? Would he have opened up the case? Would she have gotten shot because of said case? Would her life be any different?_

Her mother's case had been the one thing that she focused on. She put her whole life into solving that case, and for what? A lie. Her whole life was built on a lie that started with that one night years ago and just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.

What if… What if… What if… If only… If only… If only…

This all kept going through her head like a big black hole of regret, loneliness, hurt, anger, and hatred that was threatening to swallow her whole. Her breathing got even more ragged. She looked up and what she saw startled her. She looked haunted. She looked confused. She couldn't keep looking at herself like that.

She let go of the table and shook out her hands, trying to steady the tugging on her heart. That didn't work, so she started pacing the length of the room. She started thinking about that night. How her father and her had waited nearly three hours for her mother, before going back to their house to find Detective Raglan standing there telling them that her mother was "dead." That it was "random gang violence." Turns out he wasn't just lying about how it happened, he was also lying about her being murdered at all. Her anger came back full-fledged and made her blood boil, which in turn made her throat become even more constricted.

No. _No._ She could not think like this. Her mother was _dead_. Never coming back. Sophie down there was just… lying. Yeah, she wasn't buying it very much anymore.

Kate stopped pacing, went over, and slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. She hugged her legs close to her body and put her head between her knees, trying to slow down her breathing, but it just made her feel more constricted. She looked up at the ceiling of the verge of hyperventilating. There was only one person who could calm her now. He couldn't come fast enough.

* * *

When Jordan reached the door to the loft, she hesitated, not wanting to disturb the whole house at the late hour, but found no other alternative and knocked softly, but firmly on the door. Alexis answered the door, her brow furrowed and her mouth turned down, while Castle and Martha talked in hushed tones in the kitchen.

"I guess I didn't need to worry up about waking anyone up," Jordan murmured, her mouth twisting ironically.

"Jordan—is something wrong? Where's Kate?" Alexis questioned as she opened the door further, as a silent invitation to come in. When Castle and Martha saw Jordan shuffling in, they rounded the island and went to greet her.

"Where's Kate? Why isn't she with you? I thought she was going to call me before anything happened?" Castle asked, more like demanded, looking hurt and confused.

"Don't worry, Castle. Beckett's just… well she's a little… _preoccupied_ right now. I'm going to have to ask you to come with me" Jordan said, her voice low and calm as she tried to reassure the family as much as possible.

"You need to tell me what happened before I go anywhere," Castle said in his sternest voice, his face white and his breathing heavy and fast.

Jordan straightened, slightly taken aback by this side of him. "Castle, don't worry its nothing like what you're thinking… I _promise_ you."

"You're not making me worry any less," Castle barked, not able to keep his desperation from his voice, only a little of the color coming back to his face.

"Kate requested you specifically. She needs you right now, Castle, are you going to make her wait any longer than she needs to?" Jordan asked, opening the door to him, her eyes imploring him to just follow, to not question just this once.

Castle sighed in lieu of a verbal answer. He hugged his mother and daughter, murmured his intent to be back as soon as possible into their hair, and left with Jordan.

As they got into the SUV, Jordan started the car to get the A/C going and turned toward Castle, taking in his appearance. He hadn't changed from the fundraiser, but his suit jacket was mashed into the seat and his sleeves were rolled up, each side a different length as if they had fallen and he hadn't bothered or noticed enough to fix them. His hair was sticking up at odd angles, the gel probably caked on his hands from running them many times through his hair. His tie hadn't been put back on and two buttons were unbuttoned. He's this disheveled now, how bad is he going to look when he figures out what's going on, Jordan thought.

"Kate is alright, physically," Jordan started just before Castle's impatience could get the better of him, "I brought her and Jim to a safe house—."

"Jim?" Castle interjected.

"Yes, Jim. It's about Kate's mother… she's alive," Jordan said somberly, watching Castle's face briefly slacken in shock, before he let out a scoff.

"That's not possible, I've been looking at a photo of her body for 6 years. I sent all of this to a medical examiner, a specialist. Lanie has looked it over thousands of times. Where is this coming from," Castle replied, his brow furrowed and his stuck open slightly.

"The FBI, my superiors," Jordan said with raised eyebrows, watching as Castle mouth opened slightly more, before his mouth clamped shut and his back straightened, his chin rising slightly.

"You know what? Explain whatever it is on the way, just take me to see my fiancée."

* * *

 _A/N: Apologies for this being on the late side, college takes so much of my time away from writing. This is kind of a filler chapter, but I didn't just want to jump straight to Castle's arrival, I thought it would be to abrupt. Review, Review, Review! I love hearing from you all._


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: A little unedited, a lot late. I haven't stopped thinking of this story, I promise! Writing gets put on the back burner during school but I have every intention of finishing this story to the end. That being said, I would totally understand if everyone has forgotten about this story, but it's here if anyone wants to continue on this journey with me._

* * *

Chapter 9:

After Agent Shaw showed her badge to the guard for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, she showed Rick into the living room. When he entered, Jim and Johanna stood. Jim looked at Johanna expectantly and he saw what he thought he would see, Johanna looked at Castle slack-jawed. Castle stepped in and narrowed his eyes at Johanna critically, trying to contain his surprise at her startlingly similar appearance to his dead soon-to-be mother-in-law.

"You're Richard Castle…" Johanna whispered, despite her better judgement to stay silent.

Castle merely pursed his lips and turned to Jordan. "Just take me to Kate."

Jordan motioned for the door and just before he could leave the room, Castle turned back. "Are you ok?" he asked, looking toward Jim seriously, his eyes beseeching honesty.

"As ok as I can be," Jim replied, and the two nodded at each other in a show of understanding as Castle left the room.

* * *

Kate had been taking deep breaths in an effort to control her breathing for quite some time when she heard a soft, but urgent knock on the door and her fiancé's voice calling to her to unlock the door. She got up, unlocked the door, and opened it for him before he even had the chance. They stared at one another for a moment, Castle breathing a sigh of relief that she was alive and well, his mind still not fully believing until he saw it with his own eyes. He remained not moving, wanting Kate to make the first move, and it wasn't but five seconds before she pulled him in, again closing and locking the door behind him before she stepped into his embrace. When Castle's arms encircled her, he could every muscle coiled tight, her back stock straight, her body only deflating slightly when she stepped into him, the weight still heavy on her shoulders. She feels a little bad that Castle can't even turn her mind off, but she is the same person she always was, her thoughts running rampant even as she falls into her fiancé's embrace.

"Did you see her?" she murmurs into his shoulder.

Castle takes a deep breath before answering, "Yes, and Jordan explained everything to me on the way. She seemed to look surprised when she saw me, but there's no telling what she knows about us. What's true and what's not."

She didn't reply to that and they stayed in each other's arms for a while more until she continued, Castle waiting for her, letting her take the lead.

"Should I be crying?" Kate asked into Castle's shoulder.

"If you need to cry, cry. There really isn't a manual on what you 'should and shouldn't do when you find out your relative may or may not have come back from the dead," Castle said into her hair, smiling when she let out a little huff that, in different circumstances, might have been a full laugh.

"I don't need to cry, I need to find some answers," Kate replied strongly, leaning away to look up at Castle with determination.

"Then let's find some."

* * *

After Castle left, Johanna looked to Jim for answers— her brows raising expectantly—answers that Jim didn't want to give. When Jim simply sat back down and tilted his head back against the cushions, Johanna voiced her questions out loud.

"Richard Castle… _the author_ … you're just going to bring in a best-selling author who seems to know my daughter without giving me any more information?" she asked, not sitting, feeling antsy, feeling the pull of the mysteries she wants to solve, mysteries that revolve around her family… mysteries that she should already know the answers to.

"He's your favorite author, I would've thought you'd connect the dots by now," Jim replied, his eyes critical, but his voice lacking punch, taking on a numb, tired quality.

Johanna breathed in deeply, her eyes shuttering, Jim confirming what she had an inkling of already. "Katie's Nikki Heat."

Instead of a verbal confirmation, Jim simply tilted his head in affirmation, taking in the changing emotions in Johanna's eyes, her cheek twitching but her face remaining neutral, her surprise remaining in her head.

"So are they… how much of that is based in reality?" Johanna asked as she sunk slowly down to the cushion beside her.

"Why don't we wait for Castle and Beckett to come back down before any discussion takes place?" Jordan asked, her eyebrows raised, her head inclined in a not so subtle "shut the hell up" way and all the occupants of the room sat back in wait.

* * *

"You know getting answers usually requires movement," Castle peered down at Kate. It had been 15 or so minutes after he made his proclamation and neither of them had moved.

"I know," she replied, looking over at the door as if it might reach out and hit her if she got too close.

"You don't have to go down there, you know. We could jump out the window… actually this is a government safe house, those windows probably don't open, so we probably have to go through the door but we can run fast, we hit a new personal best when we went for our run the other day—."

"Castle," Kate interrupted, her lip twitching, "curse you for making me smile right now."

"You curse me, you'll probably have to break up with me, cause otherwise you're stuck with my cursed ass forever," he smirked, relishing in being able to help his wife, even just a little bit.

Her mood soured again, however. There was no forgetting where they were or what was happening for more than a few seconds. "I hate that this woman is rendering me unable to go out the damn door."

"Maybe it would be easier if the door was open?" Castle asked, finally breaking their light embrace and unlocking and opening the door. He raises an eyebrow and tilts his head in obvious challenge.

She sucks in a deep breath in response, scowling at him and striding past him anyway, with her head held as high as it could possibly be under such circumstances. When she got outside the door to the living room she didn't even hesitate as she entered and everyone stood in response. She still avoided the woman's eye, and instead looked straight at Jordan, her game plan already formulating in her mind.

"I want answers. But I'm not going to get them from her and I'm not going to get them tonight. Tomorrow morning, we'll convene at the precinct. I'm going to… _explain_ this to my team, to Lanie, somehow. I'll get her to put together the paper work to… exhume my mother's body," Kate said slowly, looking away from Jordan, but instead at no one in particular.

" _Katie,_ I'm right h—."

"And we're going to do a DNA test, draw blood, take finger prints, dental records, we'll go through every test imaginable… to prove this _theory_ false," she continued, not giving heed to the comment from Johanna, looking over at Castle and his approving nod.

"I don't know if I consent to this. I mean, is a DNA test really necessary?" Johanna asked against her better judgement.

"Look," Kate said harshly, losing her patience, "you can tell me whatever 'stories' you want, and they may be true, but there's only one way to get unsubstantiated evidence that you are who you say you are and that is if we do a DNA test." Kate said, walking into the middle of the room.

"Katie," Johanna started, and Kate tensed at the name. Johanna sighed, "Kate… I know that you are having a hard time with this, but I _am_ your mot—." Johanna said as she moved to the middle of the room, 2 feet away from Kate.

"You are not my mother!" Kate exclaimed and Castle moved in behind her. "My mother would have known that refusing a DNA test would be deciphered as an admission of guilt. Now, you will do a DNA test and when we get the results, this can all be put to rest, because guess what that results sheet is going to say? Negative!" Kate said as she got closer to Johanna so less than a foot stood between them. "You… are not my mother, you are a fraud and—." Kate and Johanna were nose to nose and Castle could see that Kate was almost ready to burst out of her civility, so he grabbed her bicep and brought her away from Johanna. Kate struggled against him, but he held on tight.

"Katie, I am here and I am putting in my most honest effort to explain to you my truth. From what I have learned in the last few hours, you are a person who strives for the truth. Would you have rather me stay away for the rest of your life, never knowing that I was truly alive?" Johanna asked.

"How dare you? My mother strived for the truth her whole life. If you are my mother, how could you lie to me for 16 years?" Kate exclaimed, struggling against Castle more. "Castle, let me go!" Kate growled, to which Castle only held on tighter.

"Beckett, stand down!" Agent Shaw yelled.

"Kate, you need to calm down," Castle whispered in Kate's ear. Upon hearing his voice, Kate stopped struggling and her emotional blinders came off so she could see exactly where she was and what was happening. She stood like a live wire in his arms trying to calm down her heart, her breath coming out in short spurts from her nose.

"Everybody needs to calm down right now!" Castle yelled and everyone stilled and looked to him. Castle never yelled, and everyone could tell that if he was yelling, then they should listen. "Now," Castle stated in a lower tone of voice. "We're all very tense right now. We have a game plan, we—," Castle's speech was cut off by Johanna's protests again.

"But—."

"Look," Castle said just as Beckett had before. He was starting to lose his patience as well, his jaw clenching, his speech coming out with hard articulation. "If you really are Johanna Beckett, then you know how this works. We're friends with half the judges in New York City and if we explained the situation to any of them, I can assure you that we could have a warrant for your blood and fingerprints in less than 5 minutes. That would take some time and energy but, eventually, we would come to the same outcome. Are you really going to make us do that?" Castle asked, waiting for Johanna to challenge him again. Kate was looking at Castle but turned to Johanna after the question, smirking with her eyebrows raised in challenge.

Johanna sighed and nodded. She said she would do whatever she needed to do, and if that meant a DNA test, than that's what she would do.

"Good. I'm glad we understand each other. Hopefully now, you're open to making a deal. We can do all of the tests or we can save a lot of people a whole lot of time and just forget this ever happened, if you admit the truth to us now. So, I'm going to ask you once, and only once. Are you, or are you not Johanna Beckett, mother of Katherine Beckett and wife of James Beckett?" Castle asked in a low voice.

She tipped her chin up and stated with confidence, "I am Johanna Beckett."

Castle sighed and Kate swallowed. "Alright. Is that your final answer?"

"Yes," she said looking directly at Kate, who had suddenly found her feet very fascinating.

Castle closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. "Ok, so I think that's just enough confrontation for tonight. I think it's time we leave this until tomorrow morning. We'll head to the precinct first where _you_ will be giving your statement and then we will go down to the morgue to do the tests and get the results hopefully as soon as possible. Jim, why don't you meet us at the morgue so that you and Kate can sign the paperwork?"

Jim nodded along, "That works for me."

"I want in," Jordan stated. "Someone in the FBI royally messed up and I want to figure out who and I think I could help you by telling you everything I know."

Kate nodded along, "Good, you can meet us at the precinct too."

"My superiors have told me we should set Johanna up at a hotel for the night. This safe house isn't really hers to stay in. We're going to set up protection, for the foreseeable future. Until this thing is truly over."

Kate's gaze remained trained toward the exit as Jordan spoke, clearly not listening fully, her brow furrowed. Everyone in the room was looking to her for a response, but silence greeted them.

"I think we're done here, Jordan," Castle murmured, looking for any sign of agreement from Kate, but takes the lead when there's still no response from her. "Agent Avery can take Jim, Kate, and I home and Jordan… you two can go to the hotel."

Everyone seemed to signal agreement, but Castle could tell Johanna was not intending to leave it there, so he quickly, but gently, took Kate by the hand and left the room as Johanna called for her. "Let's go home, Kate."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

"'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,'" Kate murmured, staring out the window of the SUV as Agent Avery drove back towards the city again, uttering her first words since they all left the safe house.

"Albert Einstein _would_ be the leading expert on insanity," Castle replied concernedly, watching her from the seat beside her, waiting for her, worrying for her.

"I—We have been putting this case to bed over and over again and expecting different results. It always comes back…. It's like Beetlejuice, we talked— _thought_ —about it one too many times and it appeared again." Her eyes drooped with the same tiredness that enveloped her words.

"Kate—."

"When's it going to be over, Castle?" she says desperately, her body springing up and towards him like a coil. "We had a few weeks without this hanging over our heads, just a glimpse of a life without a case, without a conspiracy, and it was _good_. It was deliciously good, and I let myself love it and now… I desperately want answers, I do, but I had just started to believe it could actually be over. I don't want to go back to the constant fear, the nagging in the back of my mind. Some random woman has the ability to derail our life. And if it's not her, it some case long buried that comes back out the woodwork… God, it'll never be over," she finishes, slumping tiredly again by the end.

Castle finally springs to life, grabbing her hand with both of his to keep her eyes on him. "We finished this, Kate, it is over. We have our happy ending; we're getting married in a few months. This is a blip, a speed bump, but we're getting our answers tomorrow. We are not going to let this bring us down, ok? No matter what happens tomorrow, we will make it through this, you understand me? We'll do what we always do. I understand being tired, but this isn't like before. Bracken is in prison, our big bad is caught… we're not in danger anymore," he finishes, caressing her hand and watching as her chin tips up and her shoulders widen with resolve, losing their fatigued quality just slightly.

Kate sighed and nodded her agreement, but her doubts staying in the back of her mind. She turns back to her dad in the back seat, finding him staring out the tinted window like she was before. "How are you, Dad?"

Jim startles, looking away from the window to meet Kate's eyes. He tries to speak twice but nothing comes out, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. He takes a deep breath and finally speaks, shaking his head, and replying with the only thing that comes to mind, "I don't know, Katie."

Kate sighed out heavily and grabbed one of his hands clenching his knees, squeezing in an attempt to reassure him, ground him, just as Castle had done for her. "We'll figure this out, ok?" She pulled her hand away and twisted her hands together. "I…maybe I should have asked you, are you ok with exhuming Mom's body? I know I kind of just sprung it on you, and it'll only happen if…" Kate paused, swallowing roughly, "if there are— _discrepancies_ —in the test results. If there's even a chance… Whoever is down there, they deserve justice."

"I know, Katie, trust me, I would have said something if I didn't approve," Jim said with what was supposed to be a smirk on his face, but withered immediately.

Silence enveloped the SUV. Kate rubbed the fabric of her dress together, liking how much she hated the rough sound, her eyes dull and contemplative. "Do you believe her?" she asked, finally looking back at her father, finding his gaze focused on the floor of the vehicle.

"I want to. I desperately want to. All I've wanted for 15 years with to have your mom alive and well. But I know the odds aren't in favor of that."

Jim finally raises his gaze to his daughter to see her staring at her hands. "What about you?"

Kate didn't answer straight away, taking a minute to think through her answer. "I've wanted my mom for so long… thought of all the things she would miss, has already missed. But that was always a dream, a fantasy. No matter how much she looks like her, no matter how many things she knows about her life, this woman is _not_ mom."

Kate and her father shared a look before the SUV came to a stop and Agent Avery announced that they had arrived at Jim's house.

"Come on Dad, I'll walk you up." Kate opened the door, stepped out, and held it open for Jim.

"Have a good night, Rick. See you in the morning," Jim said before he got out, shaking Castle's hand.

"You too, Jim. Take care."

Jim clapped him on the shoulder, nodded his thanks, and made his way out of the car while Castle stayed to give father and daughter a moment alone.

Kate hugged her father at the door, long and tight; a hug like they hadn't shared in a long time. She and her father will always have the shared bond of grief, no matter what the next day brings.

"You'll be ok, Dad, yeah?" Kate asks as she pulls away, "You can always stay with Castle and me tonight… anytime, really."

Jim smiles back the first genuine smile and caressed her cheek like he used to when she was a little girl, "I'll be ok, Katie bug. And I promise, if I'm not, I'll call you or come over, ok?"

Kate nodded and smiled back. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, kid," Jim whispered back, watching as she walked back down the steps, waiting by the car until she saw him go inside and close the door. He waved from the window as the SUV backed out of the driveway and drove back down the road towards the city.

Jim sighed as he slumps back against the door. On the one hand he wants figure out how to feel, what to think, and on the other hand, he doesn't want to feel, to think, not yet. He looks at the clock and he pushes everything else aside in favor of sleep, knowing that he desperately needs it. He checks nothing but the lock on the front door, then making his way upstairs to his room, barely getting into his pajamas before physically flopping into bed, with his suit still puddled on the floor, likely getting wrinkled beyond repair, but he doesn't care. However, as soon as he gets into bed, sleep eludes him. He had hoped he would be too exhausted for insomnia. He picks his sobriety chip up from its place on the nightstand and mindlessly twirls it between his fingers. His thoughts are focused not on the past, but on the present: on the woman that's in a hotel across the city, the woman who could possibly be his wife who has been dead for 15 years. She looked exactly like her. If she's not her… well, he'll hate himself because he couldn't tell. What she said, most of it only she would know.

He's not getting any sleep tonight. Obviously. And he doesn't just want to sit and wonder. He's pulled towards his hope chest by the window in his room. He opens the hope chest and is bombarded with memories. This hope chest, aptly named, holds the most precious memories and belongings of his wife. He feels along his wife's favorite sweater and her favorite throw but doesn't let his mind settle as he picks up what he was pulled towards: Johanna's jewelry box. He opens it and sees the many pieces he got her over the years, and the ones that he just loved to see her in. Also the ones that had particular sentimental value towards her, ones from family or friends. His hand grazes the silvers and golds, the metals and gemstones, but moves away from them all in favor of a navy velvet ring box settled in the corner, covered by other pieces of jewelry. He puts the ring box by his side, closes the jewelry box gently, puts it back in its rightful place, and returns to bed with the ring box in hand. He stares at the ring box for a good long while, not knowing whether to open it again or leave it shut, his indecision symbolic and ironic in every sense. Having brought it this far, he almost has no choice but to open it, he reasons, so he does. Inside he sees his wedding ring, long since put away but never forgotten. He takes the ring out of the box and put the box in his nightstand drawer. For a while he just lays there and looks down at it from its place in the palm of his hand. He needs to feel it, but he can't put it back on his hand, knows that would be too much. He slowly closes his fingers over it and gives into the tears clogging his throat. He falls asleep with it pressed against his heart.

* * *

Johanna's position in Jordan's car mimicked Kate's own across the city as they drove along the route to the motel. Her gaze was trained solely on her wedding ring, watching as she twisted it around her finger, getting used to the feeling of having it on again.

"Katie is… engaged. To Rick Castle. The famous author." Johanna scoffed and shook her head.

Jordan raised her eyebrows at her through the rearview mirror.

"Richard Castle is my daughter's fiancé… _and_ unconventional work partner. She is Nikki Heat and he is Jameson Rook… _God_ , I read way too much of those books." Johanna winced heavily as Jordan chuckled.

"Do they… work well together? Is he… he seems really good for her…" Johanna trailed off, looking in the rearview mirror for a response. Jordan kept her eyes on the road for a while before she sighed in defeat and looked back to Johanna sharply.

"They're meant for each other. They make each other better, stronger. They've got each other's backs."

Johanna looked slightly chagrined, but most relieved, even a little proud. The rest of the car ride is mostly silent. Johanna has more questions than she can count, but she knows better than to ask, knowing the outcome will just be another shut down. And at the moment, she honestly doesn't mind the hostility. She'll take it—she'll take the anger and the silence because she just got to see her family for the first time in 15 years. And the person who sought to end her life is in jail, which means that she has the rest of her life to make it right with her family… to start again. She knows that will be the problem: how to reconcile who they were 15 years ago with who they are now. Also forgiveness, of course, that has to come first. If she's able to get their forgiveness—which she has to hope will still be on the table after tomorrow—they will all have to figure out how to get over the fact that she was dead for 15 years. They grieved her, and she grieved herself, and coming back from that… they're all going to have to figure that out together and in their own ways.

Jordan pulls up to the motel, not quite in the city and pretty deserted by the looks of it. There are already agents there, obviously her protection. She gets out of the SUV with Jordan. Jordan grabs a bag from the back and lets Johanna into her room.

"I know it's not the plaza or anything, but it's safe, secure, and isolated. We really don't expect any danger with Bracken all snug in federal custody, but better safe than sorry and all that." Jordan watches as Johanna grips her clutch tight and gives the room only a cursory glance, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. "And hey, you've got cable."

Jordan smirked as she got the laugh she was looking for, however meager it was. "And I have some things for you," she continued after there was no more of a response from Johanna, lightly dropping the bag she brought from the car onto the lone bed, "I figured we wouldn't have time for you to buy anything before tomorrow, so I packed up some clothes, something for you to wear to bed other than that dress, and some things for you to wear tomorrow. You'll have to either find a way to get your clothes back from Maine and/or buy some new ones in the meantime, but these should do you until tomorrow at least. There's also some toiletries and stuff in there and you can call up to the front desk for anything you need, just let the agents know and they'll pick it up for you, safety reasons. I also… I also put some things in there… thought they might help, even just a little bit."

At that Johanna turns around and looks at Jordan for the first time, her brow furrowed, but before she has a chance to ask what she's talking about, to go for the bag to see for herself, Jordan continues, "Anyway, I'll be back tomorrow morning to pick you up and take you to the morgue. Have a nice night… And welcome back to NYC."

Johanna clears her throat and wishes Jordan good night just in time before she nods in leave and the door to the room closes behind her. And suddenly she was alone again.

For a good 10 minutes or so Johanna just looked around the room, standing in the exact same spot, lost at both the newfound freedom and lack of freedom—her ability to be with her family while not being able to see her family. In times like these, her intense focus was working against her. The main problem she was intensely focused on: getting her family back. The problem with that: she couldn't do anything about it until tomorrow. She couldn't learn about her family, she couldn't get to know them again… until tomorrow. Which left her intensely focused without anywhere to point that focus. So she chose to look through what Jordan had left her. She's certain it probably won't help but she was nice enough to leave them…and Johanna needed a little nice right now.

She put her purse down onto bed, sat on the edge of the bed, pulled the bag towards her, and opened the bag. She found stacks of clothes neatly folded and pulled them out one by one: an FBI t-shirt and sweats to wear to bed and a long sleeve shirt and cropped jeans for the next day. Next to the clothes there was a travel bag with her toiletries in it. When she what was at the bottom of the bag, she stopped and sucked in a sharp breath. She ran her hand lightly across each of them: every _Nikki Heat_ book Richard Castle had written— _Heat Wave, Naked Heat, Heat Rises, Frozen Heat,_ and _Deadly Heat._ She pulled them all out onto the bed, quickly placed her clothes for tomorrow back in the bag, and set the bag next to the bed on the floor. Looking at the books laid out on the bed, she didn't know how she was going to thank Jordan tomorrow. It was exactly what she needed, the next best thing to understanding her daughter's life when her daughter wasn't available to her yet. Of course, she had read them all numerous times before, but that was when she was oblivious to the fact that the "extraordinary KB" Richard Castle dedicated the books to in the first place was actually her own daughter. She hastily grabbed her pajamas for the night and the bag of toiletries and changed and went through her nightly routine as fast as possible in order to settle down with those books for the night. She threw her things from tonight in the bag on the floor, not exactly caring if anything got wrinkled, and sat again on the edge of the bed. She looked over the books one more time before stacking everyone except Heat Wave into a pile, intendent on rereading and analyzing them in order. She placed the pile on the night stand, but in her haste, knocked the TV remote off the nightstand and onto the floor, turning on the TV in the process. She picked the remote up, intending to turn off the TV, but stopping when she noticed what exactly the TV had turned on to.

" _You're watching NBC-4 New York and we're gonna start you right off on this early New York City Morning with a recap of the story from Washington that has hit close to home. Senator William Bracken of New York was arrested on charges of conspiracy, fraud, and murder, and more charges are soon to be added, according to the District Attorney. The disgraced Senator was arrested on national television during an interview in which he was discussing his agenda for his campaign. Senator Bracken had announced just a few months before that he running for president in the 2016 election. One of the police's main source of evidence is a cassette tape found just before the arrest in which the Senator, then District Attorney in New York, admits to hiring someone to murder people who had found out about his dirty dealings. New evidence continues to come to light appearing to show decades of crime linked to Bracken and his rise to the top. Bracken's wife, Sheila, made a statement for their family, expressing their shock and dismay at the Senator's actions and asks for privacy as they come to terms with this news. Although she did not address it in her press conference, Bracken's former campaign manager and chief of staff, Brant McCoy, assured voters that Sheila would be taking over in voting for Senator Bracken in the Senate until an emergency election could be held for Senator Bracken's seat, as is the custom with Senators or Representatives who have died in office, and announced Senator Bracken's withdrawal from the presidential race, as was expected. Mr. Bracken was not granted bail at his bail hearing soon after his arrest and must therefore stay in police custody until his trail, the date for which has not been set. New details continue to arise from this congressional scandal and we'll keep updating you as they come to light. After the break, Karen will be back with the weather, it's going to be getting warmer and warmer these next few weeks with some summer weather finally on the horizon, stay tuned."_

Johanna couldn't take her eyes off the news segment as she saw the man who sought to hurt her and her family for the first time and as she saw her daughter, her strong, capable, _amazing_ daughter, arrest him for his crimes and send him to the fate that he deserved. It was less than a minute, but just that little glimpse at her Katie as Detective Beckett just how suited she was for the role. She stood tall in the face of monsters and she walked with confidence. Her baby girl was badass. She turned it off at the commercial break, more determined than ever to get as many glimpses of the woman she saw in that clip as possible. Even if she couldn't actually see her, she could read and feel that woman in the words she inspired. She could get to know the woman her daughter had grown into. With that thought, she put the remote back onto the night stand, settled against the headboard of the bed, propped herself up against the pillows, cracked open the spine of her favorite book, and began to read.

" _It was always the same for her when she arrived to meet the body.… "_

* * *

 _A/N: I originally intended for what is now Chapter 10 and 11 to be one chapter, but it ended up being too long, so think of this as part one. Glad you are all still along for the ride. Hopefully there weren't too many mistakes. Review! You know, if you want._


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